Stay & Pray

testimonies...

2010-06-29T21:14:00.000-07:00

Progress...

2009-11-23T20:59:00.000-08:00

With the end of good weather and the busy schedule I have had this fall, the stone house has been dutifully tended by woodland creatures and John (getting the front room done! Yes!). All is well, it is just slow...

If you want or need to get in touch with me or see what else is going on right now, check in with my more updated blog, just up the street... Yes and Amen.

Love to you and yours,
jj

(The pic is of an amazingly huge painting on the huge open square in Madrid, Spain. Isn't it fantastic?)

Does Jesus just want your money?

2009-08-04T10:03:00.000-07:00

(A message to anyone wanting to ask questions or dialogue about beliefs.
It is quite opposite of their Welcome message & their missionaries teaching)
* * *

Living on both sides of the mormon curtain, I see so clearly the differences in belief systems. I am a Jesus loving Christian in a mormon town. At times the issues are subtle and laughable and sometimes they are so painful - I cry.

Last night, I visited with a really good friend about her struggles to feel good about "going to the temple" and having a temple recommend because of her inability to pay a full tithe.

A full tithe. In mormonism, that would mean a full 10% off the top of any and all income. It is required of you if you want to be a "member in good standing". If you don't pay an "honest" tithe, you are not given a temple recommend. How can you feel good about yourself or your standing with God if you don't have a temple recommend?

To a mormon, this isn't a strange thing to say or feel. It is just daily life.

Shared out of sincerity of her heart, I see the pain of it in her face and how she looks away from me, she hurts. I understand her pain and stress at not being able to "do" or "fulfill" what is necessary to not feel guilt. It is as common as the the sunshine, this constant guilt.

I hurt for her. I lived in this mormon-world my whole adult life. I believed it. I put all my hopes and dreams in it. I ate the guilt.

When I didn't do my visiting teaching, when my family showed up to church un-ironed or lacking reverence, I ate it.

When I had a husband outwardly questioning his beliefs and the pain at not being able to control what he said to the bishopric, I ate guilt. (Was I not worthy enough to have a worthy husband???)

I felt guilty if I hadn't been to church, if I hadn't attended the temple in months, if I wasn't wearing garments, if my home was a wreck when the Relief Society president came over, "What would she think of me?"

Guilt is hell. A life lived in guilt is not a life, it is a form of torture.

Jesus doesn't do that to those he loves.

He gave us the biggest and best gift you can have...freedom. He promised to set the captives free. FREE. It is the opposite of hellish-guilt. In relationship with Him we are free live our lives, not through our right-ness, righteousness, or perfectness. But through HIS.

* * *

Freedom on this side of the mormon curtain is a very different thing. Is there a way to simply explain?

Does freedom mean you don't have to pay "a full" tithing? Yes. You don't have to.

As a Christian, if you give, you give out of a heart full of Jesus for those He loves. You give what God lays on your heart to give (sometimes it is much more than 10%) and in a Christian's life it is an act of worship. An outpouring between you and God, never between you and a Bishop or Pastor.

No man should hold you accountable to a $ amount that you "give God". That isn't God's tithing, that is taxing a church-going-group of people to get to heaven.

Does freedom mean you don't have to do your visiting teaching? Yes. You don't have to.

Look at Romans 12. We should reach out in love, with God's compassion on all people, not mormon only neighbors. Are mormon women all just a name on a Xerox copy?

As a Christian, you feel an overflowing of love for those God puts in your path, your friends, neighbors, widows, children. Being assigned a list of women on a piece of paper that you need to visit - is that how it should be done? Is that really how Jesus works?

Does freedom mean you don't have to wear garments? Yes. You don't have to.

Jesus never meant for you to cook in polyester. He didn't. Does he care more about what underwear you are wearing or what is going on in your heart? You don't need to wear an ironed shirt & tie to get to God, either. He doesn't care what you wear.

Does freedom mean I don't have to go to the temple? YES. You don't have to go to the temple.

As the blood ran down the side of our Lord Jesus, as the winds whipped against His limp body hanging, and everyone standing there stunned on that horrific day at the cross, the work was finished.

What does that mean to you? Finished.

And the veil at the temple rent in two. It tore apart. A veil that was as thick as a man's hand, and so large that it took many men to move it, tore in two. The Old Testament Temple worship was done away with in Jesus.

There is no more keeping God from man, or man from God...no more...the Holy of Holies is no longer hidden but is bright and shining in our eyes. Jesus. Jesus is real, alive, right here, and He doesn't need a building made of stone (look it up). Why would he need one?

Not once did Jesus petition us to go back to the Old Testament form of temples (not that mormon temples are even set up in any biblical form, they are not). He wants us to approach Him as we are and be real with Him.

Without money
Without a temple recommend
Without mormon garments
In the spiritual nakedness that we were born in...
In brokenness
On our faces
In our tears
Without our family and friends
or Bishops or Pastors
Alone
Without ego
Letting go of knowing everything that we think we know...
Just a simple belief
or unbelief

Talk to God and let Him talk to you.

Ask Him if He needs your money.
Ask Him if he is displeased with you because you can't pay tithing.
Ask Him if he needs million dollar temples. (Isn't this the Jesus that had dirt in between His toes? Would they let the real *in the dirt* Jesus in a mormon temple today?)

Ask Him to show you His heart and what He wants from you...

I think you will be surprised. I was.

jj

the desert place

2009-07-27T16:16:00.000-07:00

I knew living here wouldn't be easy, but does it have to be this hot, too?

Please God, don't cook me...

It's okay, He is right here...

2009-07-14T08:40:00.000-07:00

"the LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
(Deuteronomy 31)

Lord, I have had so many heartbreaking conversations this week. So many are girls that are empty and afraid. Please Lord Jesus comfort them, speak to them, hold them close to you and let them know that You are their hope, You are their life, You are their love.

Nothing else really matters. All can be destroyed or taken away or lost, and what is left?

Where is peace or joy to be found? It is in YOU.

Help them to see You in their everyday lives.
Help them to recognize You in the quiet and in the chaos.
Help them to stop trusting in their own strength and know-it-all pride. It just takes them farther away from the help they really need.

Lord you promised to open the eyes of the blind and to set the captives free...Please Lord, set them free.

I trust You ~You are always here for me,
Amen.

If any friends feel led to pray, please do so.

With grace and peace,

jj

2009-07-12T22:08:00.000-07:00

I caught a glimpse of Your splendor

In the corner of my eye
The most beautiful thing I've ever seen
And it was like a flash of lightning
Reflected off the sky
And I know I'll never be the same

Show me Your glory
Send down Your presence
I want to see Your face
Show me Your glory
Majesty shines about You
I can't go on without You, Lord

When I climb down the mountain
And get back to my life
I won't settle for ordinary things
I'm gonna follow You forever
And for all of my days
I won't rest 'til I see You again

Show me Your glory
Show me Your glory

I can't live without You

(Thrid Day song...running through me tonight...)

2009-07-11T11:00:00.000-07:00

17th Century Nun's Prayer

"LORD, you know better than I know myself that I am growing older and will someday be old. Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion. Release me from craving to straighten out everybody's affairs.

Make me thoughtful but not moody: helpful but not bossy.

With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all, but you know, Lord, that I want a few friends at the end...

Keep me reasonably sweet; I do not want to be a saint--some of them are so hard to live with...

Give me the ability to see the good things in unexpected places, and talents in unexpected people.

And give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so. Amen."

Manti Pageant

2009-07-10T21:04:00.000-07:00

This year was different, oh yes it was...

I didn't react the way I usually do as pageant arrives, I tend to get overwhelmed and feel very oppressed. No, this year, I was lighthearted and optimistic and almost too relaxed (not good when so many people are arriving). I think God had something new in mind? I like new.

It was really a great time.

I was amazed at the individuals that God put in my path that made this year unique. Interesting this Jesus I know, He just loves to shake things up and let us see His miracles?! Love love love it.

I made several new friends, and caught up with good friends, and spent most of my time in very unexpected ways with friends that I cherish. Each one is a gift. I am thinking of each of you as I go through my pics. Love and peace to you.

* * * *

I hope that everyone had a great time of fellowship at the stonehouse, at the park, and especially on the streets of Manti. I did. I didn't want to miss a minute of it, I loved every hug and every testimony that I heard. Precious gifts.Your heart for people is huge...thank you for being you Sir!

(and helping me with Sr. John)

Fellowship meal at the park on Saturday & Jamie's great "bread and water" booth...
smiles amidst the freezing cold rain

Josh and I enjoying a snack

* * * *

I also hope that everyone that came had a powerful experience of knowing God more intimately through your time here. I prayed that God would be more real...present...in your face...
Nothing like being shaken up in your faith to pull you closer to Him.

* * * *

I love that part of living missional, I am always whining for my Great God and He is always right here. Right here. And He was here...

Sweet. I loved the Rising tide group on the streets.

T. heading to worship?
* * * *

I am always welcoming pilgrims here, all year long, and any time you want to call, email, stop in and stay you are always welcome.

Love to you my brothers and sisters in Christ,
Grace and Peace Aaron,

the little nun in Manti with Mitz and Robin

and I had to post a pic of this...Erin putting cream on 26 mosquito bites...Yes, this is Manti.

and the Jesus family arrives...

2009-07-08T17:34:00.000-07:00

The WORD of God is displayed in color...

The food is delicious and fun to share...

Worship is the best in a crowd of a hundred...Yum.

& the hands and feet of God share space in this place, it is my favorite (and least favorite) times of year.

Love you all.

Jezreel

2009-06-24T11:14:00.000-07:00

In the middle of service a couple of weeks ago, the word echoed again in my mind...

Jezreel.

I am not sure, God, what it means? A fresh word from you is typically simple,but an obscure name-word that I don't understand? All I remember is the tiny mention in Hosea.

Yes, I heard it, the word is Jezreel.

I took the word to Pastor R. and told him I believed it was meant for the stonehouse during our annual influx of Christian missionaries, and that I didn't know what it meant.

Jezreel.

He didn't know, so we looked it up together and sat with it for a moment.

A name of God? Our God - Our God who sows.

I like that. It makes sense with the verses in Hosea I love about stirring up fallow ground and God raining grace upon us. It makes sense that it has to do with planting.

a name of shame, a "cast away"...ouch. That too makes sense in the context of God, He is often shut out, cast away, His people are despised and often rejected as well. (the stone of the stonehouse is the "cast away stone" the rejected).

Jezreel.

May God make fruitful, an implanted/impregnated seed (holy spirit-Word of God).

(word bracelet from NYC...simple sweet yummy words)

I let that one sit, and it only takes a minute to sink in...Yes, this is the God I know and love. The One filled with fresh words. The house is to be filled to the brim with God's word...precious verses, humble tear stained prayers, guitar strummed praises to the King of Kings. Yum.

The Rising Tide and friends gave us this beautiful gift of God's word and testimonies and love for our stonehouse. Come by and see it for yourself, it is a blessed treasure.

Thank you my brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus.

((hug hug hug))

I love you.
jj

seeing God in the everyday...

2009-06-16T12:17:00.000-07:00

How do you see God today?

I want to put together a huge collage of words & pics that are expressive of God's "present" presence in our lives. If you are interested, bring things to the stone house the next 2 weeks and and we will put something great together. I am wanting to use things that He blesses you with today...right now.

jj

i {heart} eyes that see...

2009-06-15T16:36:00.000-07:00

{everyday in hearts}

If I don't focus, I can't see...

God, please open my eyes, don't let me stay blind in any way--help me see You in truth and in love. Please share what it is You see...point me in the right direction...

I can't wait to see what you will reveal this week & don't let me forget my camera?

jj

hidden things and wild adventures...can't wait!

2009-06-13T19:20:00.001-07:00

(my pic of a beautiful tile-fresco in Massada, Israel)

As we uncover the old and broken, sometimes we take a moment and polish off the rock to see what it is we have uncovered. Today was like that.

We didn't uncover any amazing tile-frescoes under the stabs of mortar or stunning pioneer paintings underneath the old carpet...but we did find some remarkable things.

When we pulled back the old carpet today, we found a really strong wooden floor, painted a great mustard yellow brown (i think it's lovely for sounding like a condiment) and the slabs of a giant hearth made of hand-carved stone that had sunk 6 inches into the floor. Until now, we never knew either existed. John (our only paid help) is elated. He loves stonework. I am thrilled about the wood floor, it is in such amazing shape,too -- it just saved us hundreds if not a thousands of dollars in repairs and new flooring. YES! I am sooo thanking God for the big and little things that inspire us to keep moving forward.

* * *

Along with the hard labors of unearthing, plaster glopping and paint picking, we also had great discussions about our beliefs. Unearthing our fears, questioning what it is we truly are believing, and realizing that so much of our personal revelations are put through multiple personal filters---Where can we ultimately find truth?

In the work we are doing with our hands, this all "belief excavation" makes sense to our hearts. John and I have very different beliefs, but we are in this project of uncovering truths together this week. It is good.

Oh, Yes...this is going to be an adventurous week. There are so many great friends coming in to visit and stay. These individuals devote their entire vacations to reach out to the local community in ministry and love. Wow. John will have a great group to visit with and bounce ideas off of, I know there will be some good Q & A's, and I will have a bunch of my fav friends to hang out with. :o)

I am grateful for the gift of friendship that these mission groups bring. I love to catch up on their lives and how seeing how God is working in other places--in other hearts. It is also such a huge time of digging into God and growing in a really dynamic way with Him.

* * *

Lord, restore us this week. Fill us up with the joy of your salvation. Restore to us the wonders of your love...remind us intimately of your heart for each of us. This isn't about religion...this is about a real and honest relationship with You.

Love, inspire, and cover each and everyone that is coming here this week.
Give us hearts that feel what you feel.
Lord give us great courage. A healthy dose of your untamed passionate energy and love for those you love. Let us be your hands and your feet, let us not fall back when it gets hard, but hold us together and keep us upright?
And,
When it comes time to jump into your awesome adventures...don't let us waver---push us right over the edge and into your grand plans.

We are waiting in anticipation of what you are going to do...

* * *Your surprises are always the best!

creation's beauty and the tear down uglies...

2009-06-09T16:25:00.000-07:00

Something about the cool and wet weather has made this little town in the mountains look and feel like the Northwest. The air is softer, the rain clouds roll in every afternoon, and the flowers are so big and beautiful (for our dry high desert).

Tonight as I watered the bleeding hearts, tiny baby hostas and the new raspberry-rose, a doe (a deer) sat and watched. For an hour as I moved dirt, pulled weeds and garden hoses around the yard she just would follow me with her head and twitch her ears but never leave me. She rested back in the mulberry trees and let me be busy. What a treat - a new friend.

Again today the trees were clapping their hands and dancing in the wind and it made me grin, grateful for a Creator and a creation that delights in our delight. I love this God of ours.

* * *

The work at the stonehouse (besides the yard) the past few weeks has been this messy mess:

(this was the gaping hole in the kitchen wall)

(the walls are scored for plastering...messy...)
(with wallpaper gone, you can see how the front of the house was pulling away...great.)
(the front room with all of the wallpaper pulled off and all the plaster falling off in sandy flakes)

It had to happen. My friend John (who did the amazing work on the outside rock work) and I have had discussions about this *job* for a good 2 years. We have thought about it, talked about it, looked into it...but it wasn't until I got curious and started ripping huge sheets of wallpaper off the walls that something finally got started. That was last week.

And oh, my goodness did that start something BIG...yikes.

I am amazed that John is still talking to me. I didn't give him much time to help me get this done - 2 weeks - nothing gets done in this town in that amount of time, ever. This project is on a record breaking roll.

Then this:

(we broke into the dark chamber of secrets)

(it was actually 100 years of black soot.
So then I enlisted another helper...and we made a REALLY BIG mess...)
(we all think he looks like a zombie, but it's just Pete
lacking fresh air and tired of hours of hard labor)

Okay, so we could have been more interested in seeing what was behind the bricked up fireplace like 6 months ago or something, but no. For reasons still not too clear we got excited to do it right now. Sort of "the place is already a mess, a little more won't hurt?"

* * *

So it got me thinking about this whole daily divine mess we live in...

Why do we spend so much of our lives tearing down and building up?

Can we just "live a happy little life" without getting messy with God?

So much of the real life changing work (for me) has always been in the tear-down. In comprehending things, in order to *really get it* I have to get out of the nice clean box I have built around myself and let things rip away.

Tear down is painful.
To really let God cut, chisel, scrub all the junk away?

Sometimes I still like the junk He is trying to help me get rid of and worse still, sometimes I don't even realize I have junk???

All I really know about any of this is: The Creator of our lives (of my life) likes to tear down. Jesus promised, "Everything my Father didn't plant He will uproot." Sometimes I help Him along - tearing all my wallpaper out or messing up so badly that big chunks of my life fall apart and I scream out loud for help, but other times the tearing down just comes out of nowhere...

Well, as much as I know the tear down is going to happen and is happening...I know that my Creator loves to build. I am going to hang onto His promise in all of this (and stand back and watch).

"Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it."

I will post pics in a few days...after I get all this soot off.jj

2009-06-07T21:47:00.000-07:00

In Capernaum next to the Sea of Galilee, there is a beautiful garden tended by sweet nuns and monks. Showcasing beautifully carved stones and winding walkways, the place is just filled with flowers. Traditionally it is said that Peter had a home here, his name and Christian writings were etched in the dark walls of a dwelling close by. I simply knew it as the place where Jesus walked and taught and opened the Word in the Synagogue to Isaiah and spoke out loud the miraculous reasons for why he came to us...

“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me,
Because the LORD has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound"

After spending a great deal of time at the stone house today, I came across these pictures tonight of that trip and I am amazed at how beautifully similar the stone is in both of these places. The one that housed the ancient synagogue, it is so light (unlike Peter's dwelling next door that is so dark), it is cut stone and put together with chalky mortar. When we visited this place, pilgrims from all over the world were sitting around the outer edges, playing guitar, reading, visiting. Not unlike our stone house when groups come to stay.

I love it.

I love that God gives simple gifts of divine connections and focused remembering.

I love that similarities bring me comfort and make me grin.

I love that He gives the best gifts...He brings me back to Him. Bringing love to my emptiness, healing my broken and troubled heart, and setting spirit free...I am free.

Draw me in to you Jesus...Help me see you in the stone, in the garden, in the quiet grass...

I love you.

prayer time (time-out)

2009-06-05T17:47:00.000-07:00

so much to do...
and every minute is holy. I love this place.